InsaneJournal

fandom_muses November

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

I woke up on the sand without knowing how I got there initially, and for the first seconds I thought it had to be another dream. It wouldn't be the first time I had these kinds of dreams, either, because when I lost him the first time they came and went so frequently I never knew what reality was. But when my fingernails came upwards, full of damp sand and offering no other explanation, I knew that I had to have come here of my own free will and would remember the how of it soon enough.

Where I was, that was the easiest question to answer, I knew the exact place and the name of the location as much as I wanted to forget about it. I always dreamed about being at the same place where I had seen him disappear, then watching time reverse and have him come back. Hadn't we reversed time before, or something like it, gone back and changed things and given it a different outcome? Yes, we had, but it was something never to be done again because of catastrophic outcomes and I feel silly now for even thinking about it for a second's time.

Still, I knew where I was and I kept looking at that spot. I'd swear that it was glowing differently than the shimmer of the coming sunrise, and I think that where he should be there's now some kind of hole. Some gap, either in my world or the world itself, or my life or life in general, where he should be and he's not. And though he did what he had to do, though he went on and kept going on because that's what he does, I know things will never be quite right for me again.

He might have two hearts, but he still has a part of mine. I've only got half now, and I wonder how long a human being can keep on living with just half of her heart.